So, I planned to log on 7.25, as per raid calendar and as I do every raid night. HOWEVER my fellow raiders were pestering to raid rather earlier than normal at 7.00; So I played on a long-running joke (one time a friend said I was in a car crash and many people believe I had actually been in a case of chinese whispers)and said "I'm not here, I died in a car crash" and we were joking around in skype text. So I log on and get in the raid group and get summoned into raid.
I say in mumble that I am just changing my push-to-talk, meanwhile they pull the fire dragon add and proceed to wipe. Zor, already sounding ragey, is not in any mood for jovial talk and says not to waste time. I'm not a fan of the ragers; so I say that I could be using this time to study on a assignment which due date is fast approaching. That I COULD be studying for myself, but instead I am here for the group and therefore I am not wasting time. Because I know that consistency is needed. He then basically says that if I don't want to be there and I need to study then just leave because they will sub me and it is better then me wasting time. at which point I do, because to be honest I did not feel as though i had any other choice; to stay implies that his raging is justified and that it is a sucessfull tactic. and I am very much opposed to this. In any case he practically asked me to leave and I'm not going to stay and raid under someone who has already perceived my actions in a certain light and is already in a angry mood.
As far as I am concerned they can go without me and sub someone in and I will study...if they make it clear that they do not need me to raid then my rational for staying is null and I will go do some much needed study.
Furthermore what pisses me of is that I am a consistent raider, yet somehow, probably due to joking about it, I am plastered as not so. and now I am told that I appear distracted and distant in raids. I don't know if this is the case, but I have a feeling that distant and distracted is a result of my depression. I admit at times I am finding it hard to concentrate and my life atm is fairly drawly. But I don't exactly know what to do to change that perception, to stop it being interpreted as disinterest in raiding? I achieve SO LITTLE in my day and yet I am exhausted; I don't feel I have the time to do anything and even simple things feel like insane effort.
I'm going off-topic....though there is a relation here, this is more then enough of what I intended to post in this QQ.